I directly matched to my room and started throwing the things on the floor, because I wanted relief. I was angry, heartbroken, tired, disappointed and appalled.
“Ahaha..” I was howling in agony and messing my room but the pain was not going away.
“Shehnaaz, what happened? “Mom held me from behind and stopped me when I was about to hit the vase on the mirror.
I left the vase and it shattered into pieces like my heart. I started crying loudly after hugging mom tightly and she immediately hugged me back tighter.
“Mom, why he is doing this to me, what is my fault, why again and again he is giving me pain? Why I can’t stop loving him, why mom, why?” I asked my mom whatever questions were going in mind after knowing his truth from the person whom I met a few minutes ago.
Flashback (a few minutes ago)
I was going to college in my car and suddenly someone came in front of my car, I instantly applied the brake. Before I could react, the person was sitting beside me with the blink of my eyes. He was so fast.
“Is he vampire like Sidharth?” I wondered, staring at him with questioning eyes.
“Who are you ?” I asked him. He was just staring at me without blinking his eyes.
“Shehnaaz, I am Sidharth’s friend, Cabir.” He introduced himself after taking a deep breath.
I instantly asked, “why are you here? What do you want from me?”
“Shehnaaz, I want to tell you a truth about Sidharth, whatever he has told you about Inayat that was a lie because he wants you to stop loving her. Inayat is,” before he could say something more, I shouted.
“Just get out of my car, now.” I shrieked with outrage after listening to his words.
How could Sidharth do this to me after knowing how much I loved him?
“Shehnaaz, I can understand your anger but please for once listen to me.” He said when I was trying to push him out of my car. I didn’t want to listen to anything more.
“What do you want to say more? Is this not enough? He lied to me after knowing how much I love him, just because he thinks that my life will come in danger if we will be together. Inform your friend that he won, I’m never going to come back in his life again. I’m fucking tired of explaining him.” I shouted, taking out my all anger on him. He listened to me patiently and opened the door before disappearing with the blink of my eyes.
“I hate my life, I just want to end my life, why he is not understanding my love for him, is my pain and sufferings make him happy?” I cried hysterically, clutching the steering of the car. It was hurting me a lot.
“What a great actor he is? He lied about Inayat and I believed him, why didn’t I come to know that he was lying. I saw true love in his eyes, why he is doing this to me again and again, why can’t he love me? What should I do now?” I thought, still crying miserably after placing my head on starring, but deep inside I was a bit relieved after knowing that he loved me only and there was no other girl in his life.
I had been crying in Mom’s arms from half an hour. Mom was rubbing my back and caressing my hair. I was getting little peace in her arms. Crying in her arms, gave me relief.
After a few minutes, I stopped crying. “I have to move on, I can’t waste my life more in crying and crying, I have to face the reality, I can’t stop loving him but I can try to live happily for those who love me.” I wondered and came out of her arms after wiping my tears.
“Shehnaaz, how are you feeling now?” She asked after cupping my face.
“Better, thank you, mom, for always being there for me.” I kissed her hand, she smiled slightly and kissed my forehead.
She poured the water into the glass from the jar. “Have water.” She gave me the glass of water and I took a few sips.
I gave the glass back to her and she placed it on the table. “I am bringing something to eat for you and you have to eat.” She said strictly after getting up from the bed.
“Mom, don’t you want to know why I was crying?” I asked after stopping her by holding her hand when she was about to walk away.
She turned and gave a small smile to me. She sat on the bed beside me. “Shehnaaz, I want to know but I don’t want to force you to share everything with me. If you want you can share with me anytime, I am there for you always. I just want to say that you are most important to me, Shehnaaz. I don’t want to lose my daughter again and I can’t see you in pain. Whatever the pain is, it will go away but you need to be strong. If things go out of control, you should leave things on God, one day he will surely do something as he did with me, I got you back in my life.” She explained to me and I felt better.
“I love you, mom.” I just her tightly, smiling blissfully. Her words made me understand one thing clearly that I should leave everything in God’s hands.
After a month
One more month passed without him, I hadn’t seen him for the past two months. My heart, my soul was yearning for his love but I knew that I had nothing in my hand. I stopped crying and trying to live normally, mom and my friends were helping me a lot in this. They never left me alone for even a second. Sometimes I felt like I am so lucky to get the best mom and friends and sometimes I felt like I am so unlucky because I was living without my love.
To come out from all the past happenings, I decided to participate in the singing competition, from childhood my interest was in singing. Singing gave me immense peace. I found not any better option than singing to come out of my pain.
His memories were eating my mind. I always thought, “what he will be doing without me?” I wanted to see him badly and I also thought, “why he is doing with me, left me without any reason, I am suffering because of him.” I was hating him for doing this to me.
Yesterday night I saw a dream, it was a dreadful dream, I saw Sidharth was burning in front of my eyes. I became anxious for him, I wanted to see him, I wanted to know he is fine or not. But I had no idea where he was.
“Oh god, why he is not going out of my mind?” I said, looking at the sky and stepped into the college.
I was ambling to my classroom and suddenly someone pulled me into the empty classroom and locked the door.
“What do you want? Why are you again here?” I asked in anger, glaring at the person who pulled me inside. He was Sidharth’s friend, Cabir.
“What he is doing here again?” The first thought came to my mind.
“Shehnaaz, today I won’t go, please listen to me for once, it’s about Sidharth.” He implored, I felt like there was something serious. Yesterday’s dream made me horrified and his words were making me more anxious.
“What?” I asked in a worried tone.
“He needs you, Shehnaaz, I wanted to say this to you that day also but you were not ready to listen to me.” I narrowed my brows bemusedly. He was saying as I had left him.
“If he needs me then why he is living away from me, I haven’t asked him to leave me, you know how much I am suffering without him.” I asked, fighting back with my tears difficultly.
“Shehnaaz, not even in his dream, he wants to see you suffering but he had no other option.” As he said, I closed my eyes dejectedly.
“He had no other option because my life will come in danger, right? You know, Cabir, I am dying every single second because he left me. I have always chosen him because I love him and I know, putting my life in danger and living with him is far better than living without him in agony every day. If I die also, then even I don’t care but he never understood me.” I looked on the other side and tried to control my emotions by biting my lower lip and squeezing my eyes.
“His condition is also worst like you, but he is compelled to live without you and you know the more worst thing is that he can hear your screams, every time you cries, he cries more than you and also punished himself for giving you pain.” Tears mechanically trickled down my cheeks after knowing his condition. I was appalled after knowing this.
“Then why he is doing this with me and himself?” I asked in a crying tone.
“Shehnaaz, the real reason is not only that he is scared to put your life in danger, there is something big which he’s hiding from me too.” I looked at him in shock.
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