I cried the whole night but the pain wasn’t lessening. Memories of a day spent with Sidharth was revolving in my mind like a movie, it was like a beautiful dream. I wanted it back.
“No, I won’t cry more, God wants to break me but I will show that I am strong, I will be strong, yes.” I stood up and wiped off my tears, staring straight in determination, but deep inside I knew that it was not going to be easy.
I dashed to the washroom. I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my face in the mirror, yesterday my face was glowing but today my face was pale, my eyes swelled and became red because of constant crying. My hair is messed up. I touched my dry lips and recalled about our kisses, they were so pure and filled with love, again fresh tears trickled down my cheeks mechanically. It was really hurting me so much.
“No, Shehnaaz, you will not cry, you need to be strong, the pain will go away with time, if mom sees me like this, she will also became upset. I don’t want to make her sad because of me, she had already suffered a lot and I don’t want to make her sad, I can’t become selfish in my pain, I should think about the people who love me.” I wondered and again wiped my tears.
I started brushing my teeth, after that, I took a quick shower and got ready for college and I applied heavy makeup because I didn’t want that anybody should come to know that I cried the whole night.
“Shehnaaz, is there something which you are hiding from me? Your heavy makeup and your extra happiness are showing that you are in pain.” I was trying to show that I’m happy, therefore I was talking a lot but mom figured out everything.
Someone said right, you can hide your pain from the whole world but not from your mother.
“Mom, I’m not hiding anything. I am fine, it’s just that I am happy to get you in my life.” I tried to convince her, but she was still looking at me dubiously.
He placed her hand on my face. “If there is something, you can share with me anytime. Now you’re not alone.” She said caressing my cheek with her thumb.
I just smiled at her faintly. “There is nothing, Mom. Now I need to go, I am getting late for college.” I stood up and went from there after hugging her because I couldn’t lie more.
I stepped into the classroom, I could feel his presence, he was there in the classroom and I knew where he was sitting, therefore I went straight toward Mukti and Abhi without looking there. I just couldn’t face him.
Only I knew how much it was difficult to avoid him and to not look at him because I knew if I look at him, it would give me more pain. I didn’t have strength to bear more pain.
I talked with my friends as like nothing had happened yesterday. After that the lecture started, it was getting very difficult for me sitting in the same class with him and also it was getting very hard for me to control my emotions.
After that my phone beeped up and I saw his name was flashing on phone’s screen ‘My Vampire’, tears welled up in my eyes because he wasn’t mine now, he was never mine.
I bit my lower lip to control myself from crying and opened his message.
My Vampire: Shehnaaz, meet me at the backside of college, we need to talk, I know, I have hurt you but last time I want to meet you as a friend.
“Now why he wants to meet me?” I murmured dejectedly.
Me: Sidharth, I request you to go very far from me, Seeing you in class will only increase my pain and I want to forget you. I can’t meet you, if I meet you, it will get more difficult for me to leave you, please go, I beg you.
I sent the message and unknowingly a tear rolled down my cheek. I finally looked at him for the last time having so much pain in my eyes. He was already staring at me, I saw guilt in his eyes.
After a month
After that day he didn’t come to college. I thought that the pain would go away with time but it was increasing more with each passing day. I didn’t know why I loved him so much, every night I used to see a beautiful dream with him and when every morning I woke up, it made me cry more because I was certain that these dreams were never going to be fulfilled. I felt incomplete without him, I was craving for his love and touch. I wanted some miracle to happen.
The thing which hurt me more that was imagining him with some else. What they would be doing together. Whenever I thought about this, I felt like to end the whole world. Why god had sent his first love back, we both were so happy together, I knew that I was becoming selfish because the pain was killing me from inside, I wanted him very badly. I never thought that one day I would craved for somebody like this.
Spending a month without him was like a year for me. All the time, I thought about him, I was becoming very weak, I even got hospitalised for a few days in the middle of the month. From outside, I was showing that I am fine but except mom, no one knew about my inner pain and my sufferings, the pain which was killing me from inside. Mom also stopped asking me about that pain because she understood that I didn’t want to share with her. She always tried to make me happy but nothing was making me happy and excited. I was drowning into the darkness.
“Please, God, give me relief and end my pain.” I was praying to god and I knew I would only get relief after my death. Indirectly I was praying to god, to end my life.
Like usual I was going to college in my car and suddenly someone came in front of my car, I instantly applied the brake. Before I could react, the person was sitting beside me with the blink of my eyes. He was so fast.
“Is he vampire like Sidharth?” I wondered, staring at him with questioning eyes.
“Who are you ?” I asked him. He was just staring at me without blinking his eyes.
What do you think who came in the end?