(Part: 45 What is Love?) Love Or Sin {Sidnaaz}

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Next morning

Shivansh woke up and sat on the floor, holding his head. His head was throbbing with intense pain. There was an emptiness in his heart. He didn’t remember exactly what had happened last night except for some few flashes. He was in the same clothes and he thought, it was a dream because this type of dream, he had seen before too.

He gathered himself and got up. He went to get fresh. All the time, one thing which was revolving in his mind that was Shehnaaz. He was completely broken. He dreamed about a future with Shehnaaz which was completely shattered now. The worst thing was that he couldn’t blame anybody else for his pain. It wasn’t anybody mistake, it was written in their destiny.

He stood under the shower, putting his hands over the walls. The water cascading down his muscular body to the floor. He was thinking about the time when Shehnaaz was his. He was realising that he was living in an illusion that she loves him and she is happy with him and he had never tried to look at the reality. The reality was that she was never his. And the reality was breaking him from inside.

He was doing everything to make her fall in love with himself, thinking that one day she would love him but he was not realising that in this he was losing himself, forgetting about his real happiness. Now, he has to realise this and has to find his real happiness.

Mukti was lying on the bed, in the darkroom, wondering about the last night. Last night was like a dream for her where Shivansh was with her. She didn’t want that Shivansh should ever come to know the truth, therefore she dressed him up and left the place at the midnight when he was in deep sleep.

She didn’t want that Shivansh should come to know that she had the feeling for him because she knew, this would create more problems. She just wanted to see him happy and she could do anything for his happiness.

“I will take you out from this pain, Shivansh and that’s my promise.” She promised to herself and wiped her tears, having determination in her eyes.

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Shehnaaz woke up and found Sidharth looking at her, sitting beside her. Her hand was entwined with him. She found only and only love in his eyes. She got lost in him.

“Good morning, star.” He whispered and kissed her forehead after leaning down. She closed her eyes and felt so good to feel the touch of his lips.

She sat up and rested her head over his shoulder and held his arms tightly.

“How are you feeling ?” He asked concernedly, stroking her hair.

“With you, I feel always good.” He smiled and kissed her head. They kept sitting there silently with their thoughts.

He got up from the bed after some time and said before leaving the room. “Now, you get fresh. I am bringing breakfast.” Shehnaaz lazily climbed down the bed and lumbered to the washroom.

Sidharth was sitting in front of her on the bed. He was making her eat with his hand and eating himself too. Shehnaaz could see that he was relaxed and fine. She was happy to see him like this.

“Shehnaaz, when are you thinking to start going to NGO? ” He asked while cleaning her face with tissue paper.

“I haven’t thought about it yet.” She answered him blankly.

“Shehnaaz, you should write a book about your life. Don’t you think ?” He was trying to communicate with her, trying to distract her mind from the things which were hurting her.

“I don’t know, what is right, what is wrong. I’m not fine, Sidharth. I’m guilty.” She burst into tears in front of Sidharth.

He felt hurt after seeing her but he composed himself by taking a deep breath. “Shehnaaz, please don’t cry and stop blaming yourself.” He cupped her face and begged her to stop blaming herself.

“Sidharth, how are you so relaxed? I want to be relaxed like you but again and again, I’m thinking that I have done wrong with Shivansh.” She cried in guilt.

“It’s hurting, Sidharth. He loves me, I hurt him. He is in so much pain because of me. It’s killing me, Sidharth. I’m not understanding, what I should do ?” Sidharth scooped her into his warm arms and let her cry. He was caressing her back and head.

She stopped crying after a few minutes.

“Feeling better ?” He asked after breaking the hug. She was just looking at him silently.

“Shehnaaz, do you want to know, How I’m so relaxed?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. She just nodded her head positively.

“Because I’m thinking positive. I’m seeing the positive side. Shivansh didn’t take us wrong. He is hurt and he will be fine with time. I’m with him, we are with him. I know him, Shehnaaz. He is my friend, he will be fine. You don’t love him, it’s not your mistake, try to understand this. Why are you saying to yourself that you have done something wrong when you haven’t done anything. Try to relax your mind and think positive, then you will start looking at the things, the way, I’m looking at them.” He tried to make her understand, holding her face with his hands. He breathed near to her lips.

“Sidharth, Shivansh will be fine, right?” She asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Yes, he will get fine. I’m with him. I will not let him fall, leave this on me. And first, you get fine. You want to see him fine, right ?” He asked and she nodded her head positively.

“Then first, you have to clear your mind. And for that, you have to think positive. Now if you cry and blame yourself, I will also start crying with you. Do you want me to cry ?” He asked, she instantly nodded her head negatively.

“I want to see you happy, Shehnaaz. Shivansh also wants to see you happy. You know, the person who loves you, he wants to see you happy, no matter what. If I was at Shivansh place, I would have also let you go happily with the person with whom you are happy. I love you, I also love Shivansh and I want both of your happiness. I could have sacrificed you for him but would anybody get happiness from this? No, nobody. You can’t keep the person happy when you don’t love him, leaving is the better option. You haven’t done anything wrong. You want to see me happy, right ?” She instantly nodded her head positively.

“You were ready to leave me, yesterday because you were thinking about my happiness. That’s what love is Shehnaaz, no matter what, whom you love, you want to see that person happy, whether it is with you or without you. Shivansh loves you Shehnaaz if you want to see him fine, for that you have to be happy first.”

She was staring at him silently. Shehnaaz was now looking at the things differently after listening to him. She wasn’t feeling guilty anymore. Rather, she was feeling lucky to have the person like Sidharth with her, who loved her unconditionally. She instantly started thinking positive and this was the magic of love.

“I love you, Sidharth.” She whispered and cupped his face. She slowly came closer to his lips and captured them. Sidharth’s hands went in his hair and kissed her back, pulling her toward himself. They were kissing each other softly first but they didn’t come to know when the kiss turned passionate. Their tongues were exploring every inch of their mouth. They were kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. Their whole body was burning with the desire.

Shivansh went to the office to keep himself engaged in work because he didn’t want to think about Shehnaaz and hurt himself. He wanted to overcome the pain and he wanted to free himself from this pain. After all, who wants to live in pain, everybody wants to live happily.

He wanted to distract his mind from the pain but the thoughts weren’t leaving his mind. He was feeling empty from inside. Shehnaaz was revolving in his mind, all the moments which he had spent with her, they were revolving in his mind. He didn’t want to think about her, he wanted to hate her but couldn’t. He wanted to be with her but couldn’t. It was killing him from inside. The pain was killing him from inside. He wanted to get free from this pain anyhow because he was feeling like that this pain would kill him or he would go crazy because of this pain.

He couldn’t able to concentrate on work and came back home. He started drinking again to lessen the pain but the pain was not lessening, rather it was increasing more. He was sitting at the bar counter with the bottle of scotch, having tears in his eyes. He was feeling like he has lost everything and now nothing has left with him.

That time only, Mukti stepped into the mansion. Her eyes fell on him and she felt the stabbing pain in her chest and her eyes brimmed with tears after seeing him in pain. She was sad when Shehnaaz was with him but she was happy too because he was happy with Shehnaaz, but now she was sadder seeing him in this state. She had never wished to be with him, she had always wished to see him happy. This was the evidence that she loved him unconditionally and truly.

If some other girl was at her place, she would be happy on knowing that Shehnaaz left him and now she got the chance to get him. Love doesn’t mean to get that person anyhow whom you love, love is finding your happiness in that person. If you truly love that person, then no matter what, his sadness would never make you happy. In love, you can fight from the whole world for his happiness.

“Shivansh…” she placed her hand over his shoulder and called him, standing behind him. He turned his face to look at her. She pursed her lips and fight back with her tears after seeing extreme pain in the eyes of the person whom she loved.

“Mukti, Shehnaaz doesn’t love me.” He whispered in crying tone like a small baby.

Mukti closed her eyes to compose herself. “I know, she loves Sidharth.”

“Why not me ?” He asked, making Mukti a bit shock with his question because this was the same question she wanted to ask from him that why doesn’t he love her.

“Mukti, I love her so much. It’s hurting me. I want to be her. I want her.” He cried like a small baby, hiding his face with his one hand and clutched the bottle of scotch with his other hand.

Shivansh was about to drink by taking the bottle near to his mouth, but Mukti stopped him by holding his hand. “Shivansh, please, don’t drink more, please.” She requested him and tried to take his hand down.

“So, what I should do, Mukti? I want to forget this pain, Mukti, I want to forget her. Don’t stop me, please let me drink.” He begged her to let him drink and tried to remove her hand. But Mukti was determined.

“First answer to my question, Shivansh. Is the alcohol lessening your pain ?” Mukti asked in a serious tone, staring him.

“No. No, this pain is not getting less.” Shivansh whispered, looking down, distressed. He put the bottle on the counter. Mukti bit her lower lip and closed her eyes dejectedly.

“Mukti, I will die, everything is over. Nothing is left.” He said sorrowfully, clutching his hair. Mukti stared at him in shock because now he was going in the wrong direction.

“Shut up, Shivansh. Are you out of your mind? What is over ?” She growled at him.

“Nothing has ended, Shivansh. I know, this time is tough for you but you are taking the things in the wrong way. Everybody is with you. Nobody has left you alone. You haven’t lost anything, Shivansh.” She cupped his face and made him look at her. He was looking at her like a helpless kid and tears were constantly tricking down his cheeks.

“Do you love, Shehnaaz ?” Mukti suddenly asked after a few minutes of silence. Shivansh narrowed his brows in confusion with her sudden question.

“You love her, right?” She asked again, getting no answer from him.

He answered finally. “I.. love her a lot. But she..”

Mukti cut him off with her words. “But she loves Sidharth. Shivansh, Shehnaaz’s happiness are with Sidharth. Was she really happy with you? I’m sure, she wasn’t and you would be trying to make her happy. Am I right, Shivansh?” He nodded his head sadly having tears in his eyes.

“I don’t know, why she wasn’t happy with me? Am I bad, Mukti?” Mukti instantly nodded her head negatively. She couldn’t even tell him in words that what he was for her and how much she loved him.

“Shivansh, you have to accept that your love is one-sided. I know, one-sided love hurts. But we can remain happy. Because the person whom we love, her happiness is the most important for us. Shivansh, you have to realise that you haven’t lost anything, rather you have got something. You have found Shehnaaz’s happiness which you were trying to find. She was with you for one year, were you really happy with her? No, you weren’t because she wasn’t happy with you. Shivansh, drinking alcohol and engaging yourself in work, all this distraction will not help you to forget your love, it won’t lessen your pain. If you truly love her, then her happiness will keep you happy. Shivansh, I hope, you will understand me because everybody wants to see you happy. Everyone is with you, you aren’t alone.” Shivansh was looking at Mukti in a shock because whatever she said, it was true and he was shocked that how did she know so much about love.

She said right, he wasn’t happy with her. Since one year, he had been trying to find her happiness but he was getting more and more distressed with each passing day. He was doing everything to bring a smile on her face but only getting disappointment in the end.

All the memories started revolving in his mind. He understood that Mukti said right, he hadn’t lost anything, rather he had found something. He found his happiness in the happiness of his loved ones.

“You are absolutely right, Mukti. I wasn’t happy. One side, I was feeling like I’m not able to keep Shehnaaz happy and on the other hand, It was killing me, seeing Sidharth in pain. From the beginning, I have always wished to see them happy. It hurts to see them in pain. You have opened my eyes, Mukti. Thank you so much.” Shivansh hugged Mukti tightly, throwing his arms around her and he was having a smile of relief on his face.

Mukti also had a broad smile on her face because she became successful to make him understand. Now, she was just hoping that Shivansh would not start thinking negative again.

“I know, Shehnaaz will be not mine now but she would be happy and Sidharth will be also happy with her. I know, they will always keep each other happy. That’s what I want, their happiness. My happiness is in their happiness.” Shivansh wiped his tears and said after breaking the hug and Mukti was looking at him, having a small smile on her face. She was really in love with this man. She could go to any extent for his happiness. She was relieved that he understood her.

“Mukti, how do you know so much about love? Do you love somebody too?” Her heart skipped beating for a moment as he asked this question from her. The person whom she loved, he was asking her that she loves somebody. She was staring at him silently, no word was coming out of her mouth.

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Will Mukti tell Shivansh that she loves him? What do you think?

Love Mehak

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