(Part: 6) Love Or Sin {Sidnaaz}

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After 2 weeks

____Shehnaaz____

Is it Sin to fall in love after marriage with another man?

Yes, it is a big crime. After marriage, a wife’s duty is to be with her husband only, it doesn’t matter if she loves him or not. She has to be with him. Falling in love with another man after marriage is not less than a big sin for her. In the eyes of society, it is a crime.

In my case also it was a crime. I never cared about the society that what they would think about me after knowing that I was in love with my husband’s friend. But I always cared about Shivansh because he had never given any reason to not love him. He was a perfect man. He was caring, loving and romantic. I thought that one day I would surely fall in love with him. I tried a lot but it never happened and I didn’t know why. Instead of falling in love with my husband, I started falling in love with his friend.

When Shivansh had introduced Sidharth with me that time I had never thought one day I would start loving that person crazily. But that night, the hug changed everything. I hugged Sidharth, thinking that he was my husband. I was so happy to find peace and comfort in his arms after one year of our marriage. But I was completely shocked when I came to know that I found my home in the arms of Sidharth. Now the question was why? Why did this happen?

Everything changed that day. I was finding the answer to my question and It was getting difficult for me to face him and control my feelings in front of him. Whenever he remained around me, I used to feel like my heart would explode any moment. I tried to be normal but it was really difficult. He was doing something to me. He was attracting me like a magnet. I was losing control over my mind and heart. Day by day things were becoming more difficult. His presence was killing me. I won’t lie, I wanted to be with him badly. I wanted to feel safe in his arms.

I was feeling suffocation in my own husband arms and this killed me. The guilt was killing me from inside. I wanted to tell everything to Shivansh because he didn’t deserve me, he deserved better than me. He deserved somebody who would love him the way he used to love me. But I didn’t want to break his heart. What was his fault? Loving me was his mistake? Was it his fault to love me?

Nobody was there with whom I could share what I was going through. I wanted someone to show me the right path. Deep Inside from starting I knew that I was in love with him. I was running away from my feelings but my feelings never stopped chasing me. Wherever I tried to run away from him, I always found him closer to my heart. My mind never stopped thinking about him all day and night. It was crazy, it was wrong but nothing was in my control.

But who would understand me? Even I was not understanding myself.

Two weeks passed away with the feeling of guilt and finding happiness in looking at Sidharth from far away. I accepted the fact that he was not in my destiny, but I was trying to find my happiness in small things. His smile used to give peace to my heart. Our small conversations used to make my heart happy. I used to feel alive when our hands touched with each other by mistake. I knew that this was crazy, this was wrong, this was completely wrong, but my heart and my mind were not in my control.

_____Sidharth____

I was falling in love with a girl. Is it wrong to fall in love?

No, it is not wrong to fall in love.

But then why it became sin if that girl is married? Before falling in love, our heart asks us whether the girl is married or not?

No, our heart doesn’t ask anything before falling in love. So then why it is a crime?

It was a sin because I was falling for a girl who was married to my best friend. In simple words, I was falling for a girl who was never made for me. Her soul, her body and her heart belonged to somebody else. I had no right on her. Seeing her with somebody else every day, I was feeling like somebody was hammering my heart constantly. It was hurting a lot. One side guilt of falling for my best friend’s wife was killing me and other side pain of not getting what I needed was breaking me from inside.

It said, time makes you forget every pain but the truth is that we get habitual of pain with time. Same was happening with me, time was teaching me to control my feelings toward Shehnaaz. My feelings for her was increasing. Her beautiful smile on her angelic face was pure bliss. I could stare at her smiling face till infinity. For the first time in my life, I found something more beautiful than the stars. But it hurts, it hurts badly because that star was a forbidden star for me.

________

In these two weeks, both were doing great in pretending that they had no feelings for each other. They talked to each other normally and found happiness in each other from far away. Their love was growing with each passing day. They knew that they are in love but not wanted to accept it because this love was a sin in their eyes. They both had no idea that their feelings were mutual. Sidharth had no idea that Shehnaaz was also falling in love with him and even Shehnaaz also had no clue that Sidharth also feels the same for her. Both were unaware of each other feelings.

Now they were not running from their feelings, they both had accepted their feelings and trying to live with it because they weren’t left with any other choice. They had tried to run but nothing had happened. So they found a better way to accept their feelings and live with it.

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