(Part: 5A Burning All the Feelings) Love Or Sin {Sidnaaz}

Shehnaaz was trying to concentrate on writing, sitting at the study table but after the hug, her mind was thinking nothing except that peaceful hug. She was sitting, holding her head, her both elbows were on the table. Her eyes were closed and she was looking so stressed. She was getting frustrated because she didn’t want to think about the other man except his husband, because she herself knew that it is completely wrong. Finding comfort and peace in the arms of your husband’s friend, it is completely wrong.

That time only Shivansh stepped into the room. He found her lost in thoughts and tiptoed toward her without making any noise.

Shivansh stood behind her and shouted, leaning down. Shehnaaz jumped out of the chair, screaming loudly. On which Shivansh laughed loudly.

She sighed after seeing him. “You literally scared me, Shivansh. That’s really bad.” Next moment he pulled her into his arms, saying sorry.

As he hugged her, her mind again started thinking about that hug because she felt nothing in her husband’s arms. The comfort and peace, she found in Sidharth’s arms, it was not there in her husband’s arms. She hugged him tightly in hope to get that comfort and peace in her husband’s arms but nothing happened, she felt nothing. This broke her heart from inside and few drops of tear automatically rolled down from her eyes to her cheeks. She instantly wiped them off before breaking the hug.

“Shivansh, you get fresh and up. I’m bringing dinner for you.” She said as they break the hug. He nodded his head and went to the washroom. Shehnaaz stepped out of the room.

She stopped on the doorstep of kitchen and her heart skipped beating for a moment when her eyes fell over shirtless Sidharth.

Her eyes were gazing at his hot and tempting muscular body. He had 6 packs abs, a body like a model. She was feeling like her breath is becoming heavy and her heart came into her throat. No man had ever made her feel like this before. This wasn’t the first time that she was seeing someone shirtless in front of her eyes, but this was the first when she felt like her body was burning with desire after seeing Sidharth shirtless in front of her eyes. Even she had never felt like this, seeing her husband’s body.

She just got lost, gazing at him when he was pouring the water into the glass from bottle. The glass was kept on the kitchen slab. Sidharth felt like someone was staring at him and he could feel her presence. He swept his eyes from the glass to the door, but before he could see her, she hid behind the wall. He cursed himself for again thinking about her and drank the water in one go from the glass.

She stepped into the kitchen after composing herself. Sidharth moved his eyes at her and found her already looking at him only. As he gave her a small smile, she smiled back.

As he walked outside, passing by her and she felt like her heart again skipped beating.

“Oh god, what is happening to me ?” She asked from god, looking up and her heart cried from inside.

____________________

Sidharth was lying on the bed on his one side, hugging his shirt tightly near to his heart because, in that shirt, there was her fragrance. Hugging his that shirt, he was feeling like she was in his arms. This was giving him little peace. The girl was making him crazy. After the hug, deep inside he came to know that his feelings toward Shehnaaz were more than just attraction. But he didn’t want to believe. Even he was not succeeding to stop his heart from falling in love with her more and more. He was going crazy. Two things were killing him, first the pain of never getting what he needed and second it was the guilt of attracting toward his best friend’s wife.

Flashback

It was Sidharth’s thirteenth birthday. Sidharth was standing, holding the railing of the terrace and staring at the stars sadly. He was upset and hurt because his parents were so busy that they didn’t even wish on his birthday. He had never wished for any gift from them, he just wanted them to at least wish him on his birthday.

“Sidharth, I want to take you somewhere. C’mon, Sidharth.” Shivansh patted his back from behind. Sidharth sadly nodded his head after turning toward him. Shivansh encircled his arm around his neck and they both walked out of the terrace. Sidharth’s eyes twinkled when they reached the hall. The hall was decorated with balloons and on the table, the cake was kept. Shivansh arranged this for Sidharth with the help of few maids of the house. Shivansh couldn’t see Sidharth upset.

“Happy birthday my best friend.” Shivansh wished him and Sidharth hugged him tightly, saying thank you to him.

“Remember one thing that I am always there for you. You are not alone until I am with you.” Shivansh said as they broke the hug. Sidharth was just smiling happily. He was feeling blessed to have a friend like Shivansh in his life.

Flashback Over

He closed his eyes and flashes of old memories came into his mind. Remembering those memories, he felt more guilty and few drops of tear dropped down his cheeks. The friend who was there with him always when nobody else was there with him and the friend who always thought about him before himself. He helped him whenever he fell down. He supported him every time. He was thinking that how he could fall in love with his wife and how he could betray him.

“I am sorry, Shivansh but this,” he paused and closed his eyes dejectedly. He continued, “the feeling is not in my control. Mujhe, mujhe kuch smajh hi nhi aarha hai ki mere sath.. ho kya rha hai aur kyu ho rha hai. (I am not understanding that what is happening to me and why this is happening to me.)” Sidharth cried badly while saying the last sentence. The guilt was burning his heart and soul from inside.

“No, I won’t let anyone come in between our friendship. Never..” he suddenly sat up on the bed and shrieked in anger, staring at the shirt which he was holding in his hand. His eyes were filled with pain, anger and guilt. The pain of constantly ignoring his heart and pain of not getting what he needed. He needed her in his arms. Anger and guilt of falling for Shehnaaz who was his best friend’s wife.

He climbed down from the bed. From one hand he held the shirt and from other, he took out lighter. He brought the shirt near to his nose and inhaled the scent of her from the shirt for the last time. As he slid open the lighter, fire lightened up, and then he touched the flame to shirt from down. The shirt began to burn. He dropped down the shirt, having tears in his eyes of agony. He cried, slumping down on the floor because with this, he was burning his all the feelings which he had for Shehnaaz. Burning of his feelings means he was burning all his happiness.

On the other side, Shehnaaz was lying in the blanket in the arms of Shivansh but her mind was thinking about another man. Shivansh had slept but the sleep was far away from her eyes. Her eyes were staring the ceiling blankly. There was a storm in her head. She was confused that what was happening to her and why it was happening to her. Why she was thinking about some other man after being in the arms of his husband? All these questions were making her crazy. She didn’t want to think about somebody else other than her husband who always loved her unconditionally. She was feeling like she was cheating his husband by thinking about somebody else.

On closing her eyes, she was seeing the shirtless him. That’s why she was afraid to even close her eyes. She was completely baffled. She had no clue that her heart always wanted Sidharth, her heart never loved Shivansh.

Leave a Reply