(Part: 15) Lost Love

Sidharth was drinking, sitting in his room which was surrounded by darkness. He was sitting on the floor against the bed, holding the bottle of scotch. He was going crazy thinking that why Shehnaaz was attracting him.

“Why the other girl is attracting me? What is happening to me? Why I am finding my peace in her arms? Why I kissed her? Why I am just thinking about her only? What she is doing to me?”All these questions were eating up his mind and making him crazy. He was not understanding that he was falling in love with her. Life was giving him second chance, but he was not ready to take that second chance because he didn’t want to move, he wanted to live in pain only like he wanted to punish himself.

“I love Nandita only, that random girl just can’t distract me. I love Nandita only.” He screamed, throwing the bottle of wine on the floor in fury. His condition was worsening, he just needed her at any cost. He started crying loudly, palming his face. He had been tired of finding his lost love from six years. He was craving to meet Nandita, but more than that he was craving for the peace. He knew that Shehnaaz is his peace who can take him out from pain and loneliness, but he wasn’t ready to accept that peace because he didn’t want to cheat his first and long lost love Nandita. He knew that she is suffering in hell, therefore, he also wanted to make himself suffer and that’s why he was hurting himself a bit more every day and also he was not ready to be healed by Shehnaaz.

“Maybe it’s just physical attraction. Maybe if I spend one night with, my mind would stop thinking about that girl and would again start thinking about Nandita who is in pain and calling me for help.” He was taking everything in the wrong way in a drunk state and calling his love, a lust. There was no lust in their relationship, but he was not in the right state of mind to think about that he was falling in love with her.

“I have to take Shehnaaz out of my mind and this will happen only after spending one night with her. Yes, I will do this and will end Shehnaaz’s chapter forever.” He said, staring straight, glim-faced. He was thinking utterly wrong because the more you try to push love, the more it will come closer to you.

Shehnaaz’s P.O.V.

Why love is so painful? I was feeling like there is a hole in my heart. It was hurting a lot. The kiss was so beautiful and precious for me but for him, it was a mistake. I would always remain a mistake for him because he would never permit his heart to fall in love again as he didn’t want to move on forgetting Nandita. But what I should do, I couldn’t keep myself away from him. It was so difficult to live when the person I love, he was in living in so much pain and craving for happiness. I was not understanding anything, my heart was aching badly and I knew that my heart would get peace only after seeing my love happy and in peace.

But I was just wondering what I should do so that he would get peace.

I was sitting on the window still wearing his jacket and my torn dress which was wet. It was still raining heavily like the god was also crying with me. The cold breeze was caressing me, and I was shivering because of cold. I was sitting in wet clothes but the pain was so much that I was not feeling anything. I was staring at the place from the window where we had kissed each other a minutes ago.

“The feeling was so beautiful.” I murmured, touching my lips. My lips were again craving to feel the beautiful touch of his lips. When his lips were moving perfectly with my lips, the feeling I couldn’t even describe in words.

“But he belongs to someone else.” As I thought this, my heart ached and fresh tears dropped down from my eyes.

I stood up in utter shock as I saw Sidharth’s car approaching my house. My heartbeat quickened when he stopped his car in front of my house, he walked out. As he looked up at the window where I was standing, I immediately hid behind the wall before his eyes could fall over me.

“Why he came here at this time?” I asked myself, clutching the curtain. I didn’t know why I was feeling like something big was going to happen for me.

I came out my thought as I heard the sound of the doorbell. I immediately rushed out of the room to open the door. I was just about to open the door, but stopped myself and took my hand backwards because I knew that I would not able to control my feeling more. I was not in a state to bear one more heartbreak. I was already suffering a lot at that time. He was constantly ringing the bell and only I knew how I was stopping myself from not opening the door. Tears were constantly trickling down my cheeks mechanically. I badly wanted to open the door, I wanted to see him and talk to him. Five minutes passed away and I kept crying standing on the door, leaning against the wall. My heart was crying, my soul was craving to see him.

I turned to open the door because I couldn’t control myself any longer. Before opening the door, firstly I wiped my tears, secondly, I took a deep breath to compose myself and then opened the door. I was shocked to find him completely drunk, he couldn’t even stand properly on his feet and his legs were shaking. Every time when I saw him in this condition, my heart cried a lot.

“You shouldn’t be here, Sidharth,” I said in serious tone looking at him. He was helplessly looking at me with his eyes full of pain. His red eyes were clearly showing that he had cried a lot like me.

“Today I came here because I need something from you, Shehnaaz. will you please give me?” He asked pleadingly, and I looked at him bemusedly.

“What do you want from me?” I asked immediately, and my heartbeat was accelerating with each passing second. I looked at him for the answer and his next words made be blank.

“I want your one night, only one night.” He said, looking at me, having extreme pain in his eyes. His words were like a bomb fell over me. I took a few steps backwards in a shock, his words were unexpected for her.

I had never expected this. How could he ask me for one night? For a moment I felt like I am a prostitute for him.

“Sid, Sidharth, you are drunk, you should leave,” I shuttered, controlling my inner emotions because he was not in his senses, therefore he was talking nonsense. I lifted up my hand to close the door, but before I could, he grasped my hand after coming closer to me. When his hand touched mine, electricity ran down my spine. For a few minutes, we gazed into each other deeply, forgetting everything.

“Please, I beg you, I am dying, Shehnaaz, I am in extreme pain. Please just one night, Please.” He begged and tears dropped down from his eyes. Seeing his condition my heart cried, and I pursed my lips to control myself from crying. He was making things more difficult for me and for himself too. He himself didn’t know what he was asking from me. I was ready to do anything for him at that moment, but I also knew that if I give him my one night to him, it would hurt both of us tomorrow. I was ready to be get hurt for my love but I was not ready to hurt him by accepting his wish.

“Sidharth, please go, you are drunk. If I give you what you want, tomorrow you will regret it. Please go.” I pleaded, joining my hands in front of him. I couldn’t control my emotions anymore and tears trickled down my cheeks hysterically. He squeezed his eyes shut dejectedly, and I cried, even more, seeing his condition. It was hurting a lot, my heart was aching badly, I was feeling like someone was constantly stabbing the knife in my heart. The pain was increasing with each passing second and it was getting unbearable.

“Shehnaaz, I know you have feelings for me, you love me, for the sake of your love, please give me your one night.” As he implored, I closed my eyes sadly. It was true that I loved him but it was also true that this love was only giving me pain and only pain, and I was regretting badly by falling in love with him, because the person whom I loved, he was in so much pain and not in a condition to see and understand the feeling and pain of others. He was not seeing my love and the pain which I was going through.

“Please, I can’t” I cried badly and denied, he was looking at me with pleading eyes. His eyes were begging me to fulfil his wish. I was ready to fulfil his any wish but not this because after that he would regret. I was feeling so helpless that I couldn’t fulfil his wish. My love was crying and begging in front of my eyes and I couldn’t do anything. This helplessness was killing me from inside.

“Please, Sidharth, don’t do this, you will regret,” I pleaded, crying as he clasped my face and moved closer to my face. He was behaving like my words weren’t affecting him at all, he was just coming closer to kiss me. I wanted to push him away, but couldn’t because I also wanted him to kiss me badly. His hot breath was making me crazy. My lips were craving to meet with his lips. I knew what was happening, it was wrong, but like always my love for him, it was making me weak and forcing me to do something wrong. But still, I tried my best to push him away with my hands, but he captured my lips and I surrendered myself to him utterly. After that whatever happened, I didn’t stop him because I got lost in his love. For me, it was pure bliss. The night was the best night for me but I knew the next day was going to be the worst day of my life because whatever he did, he did in his drunk state and he was going to regret badly.

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Next morning, he woke up and opened his eyes wide in a shock finding himself naked with Shehnaaz on the bed. Holding his head, he tried to remember about last night but failed to remember. He wanted to kill himself for spending the night with her. He felt like he had cheated Nandita by sleeping with her. “Shehnaaz,” he shrieked in anger, glaring at sleeping Shehnaaz.

She immediately sat up on the bed covering her body with the blanket and looked at angry Sidharth, having fear in her eyes.

“Why you didn’t stop me last night?” he stormed at her, grasping her arms tightly. Whatever she had expected last night, it was happening. That’s why she was not ready for all this last night, but her love made her weak and all this happened. She knew she was at fault, she could have stopped him but didn’t stop him because she became weak in front of her love.

“Because I love you, I couldn’t stop myself, you were begging in front of me. For the sake of my love, I can give my thousand nights to you.” She confessed her love to him by telling him the truth, but he was not in a condition to understand her because he was regretting, he was feeling like he did a crime. He was angry from himself and like always taking out all his anger on her and blaming her for everything.

“If you love me then please give my love back, my life back,” he was sounding so helpless and she felt a sharp pain in her heart after listening to his words. “Can you give me my love back, would you find her for me?” He asked in fury, digging his nails into her arms. She cried, closing her eyes after listening to his words. She badly wanted to help him in finding his love but she was having no clue of her and nobody was ready to tell her the truth about Nandita.

“I will, I will find her for you, if this is the only thing which can prove my love to you, then I will find her for you,” she uttered, looking at him in utter determination. She wanted him to love her like he loved Nandita, but she knew that this would never happen because she could see how much he loved Nandita. It’s hurt a lot when the person whom you love, that person loves someone else and you are nothing more than a mistake of his life.

“Shehnaaz, I hate you so much, even I hate you more today.” He pushed her on the bed harshly. She cried badly closing her eyes. His words were like somebody stabbed the knife in her heart and twisted it. The person whom she loved, he was saying that he hates her. It was hurting her a lot. “because you didn’t stop me yesterday and I cheated her. When she comes to know about this act, she will get crazy. I hate you, Shehnaaz.” He jeered at her, glaring at her in fury.

He stood up and started wearing his clothes while Shehnaaz was crying silently looking at him. He stormed out of the room, banging the door and then she started howling in anguish, hiding her face in the pillow and clutched the pillow tightly. It was hurting her more than she thought. By fulfilling his wish last night, she had hurt him and herself both.

“I love you so much Sidharth, I know you will never love me because you love someone else but I will always love you.” She was crying in agony and her condition was clearly showing that she was in extreme pain. Accepting the fact that the person whom you love, that person loves someone else, it is very difficult, but Shehnaaz had accepted this, but it was hurting her a lot. She made a promise to herself that she would take relief after bringing happiness in his life and never let her love come in between them like last night.

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What do you think, Has Shehnaaz done right by giving herself to Sidharth?

Love Mehak’s

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