I’ve been ignoring him since three days. Neither I’m opening his messages nor I’m answering to his calls. I muted him and archived his messages on WhatsApp, I thought that It would become easy for me to ignore his messages by doing this, but it didn’t become easy. It is killing me deep inside to ignore him. I’m feeling like my heart have been beating slowly since the day I left talking to him. I remain restless whole day and can’t able to sleep at night properly. My soul and my heart is yearning to talk to him.
If this is not love, then what is it?
I’m lying on my bed at night, having no sleep in my eyes. After three days, I opened archived messages and widened my eyes in shock after seeing hundred plus messages of him. He would be anxious for me. I closed my eyes dejectedly and exhaled deeply before opening my eyes.
I opened his message and read few of them. He was just begging me talk to him in every message.
Oh god, I should talk to him. I’m doing wrong with him.
He sent last message few minutes ago only.
Mr. Stranger : You’re making me angry by doing this. If there is any problem, share with me. Please, just stop ignoring me like this. I’m worried for you. I beg you to please talk to me for the last time after that I won’t disturb you.
This was his last message. I stared at the phone blankly after reading his message.
“I can’t ignore him more. I want to talk to him.” I murmured before calling him and placing the phone over my ear.
“What the hell? Where were you? Why weren’t you answering my messages and my calls? You know, I was so worried for you. You’ve really disappointed me.” He freaked out. I was expecting his this reaction only. He shouted on me like this for the first, I felt bad, but I deserve it. If he had done this with me, my reaction would also be same. It breaks you from inside when somebody ignores you.
But I’m feeling like I got my breath back and my heartbeat became normal after hearing to his voice. My ears were craving to hear his voice. His voice is so soothing.
“Now will you please say something.” He shouted after few minutes of silence.
I sighed deeply after closing my eyes. ” I can’t talk to you anymore.”
He asked sadly after few minutes of silence. “But-but why?” His voice is filled with pain, I can feel it.
“Because-” I paused and took a deep breath. “Because I love you.” I confessed, having no other option and lone tear trickled down my cheek mechanically. I love him, but I know he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to meet me even.
“I’ve never felt for anybody as like I feel for you. I was going crazy to talk to you in these three days. I couldn’t able to sleep properly at night. You were on my mind every single second. I was craving to hear your voice. It was killing me inside to ignore you. I was feeling like my heart has stopped beating. I want to meet you badly, Mr. stranger, I really want to meet you. My soul is craving to meet you. My heart and my soul would get peace only after meeting you.” I pursed my lips to control myself from crying. It is hurting me because I love him and I know, he won’t meet me, he wants me as his friend only. Why? Why I fall in love with him? Why can’t he meet me? I want to meet him badly. I want to see him, hug him and just want to feel his presence. I want to experience everything with him because I love him.
I continued after a pause of few seconds to gather myself back. “But I know, you won’t meet me, you just want me as your friend. Neither I will force you to meet me nor I’ll force you to accept my love. I just want to forget you completely and I want to move on from you. I’m sorry, but I can’t continue this friendship anymore. I’m a strong girl, but I don’t have strength to pretend that I’m your friend when I love you more than just friends. I just want to forget you.” I said these after putting stone on my heart. Moving on from the person whom you love is not easy. I want to forget him, but I can never forget him. I don’t know why, but I love him a lot. My soul is craving to meet him.
I cut the call instantly because I can’t able to control myself from my crying. I started crying, hiding my face in the pillow and clutching the bed sheet. My chest became heavy and my heart is aching. For the first time, I’m experiencing the pain of love, the pain of being in love with the person I can never with and this pain is unbearable.
Why do I fall in love with the person I can’t have?
I’m crying, but still ache in my heart and tightness in my chest is not lessening, it is getting worse. What I should do? Oh god, this pain is killing me from inside. I want relief.
Then I went to take shower to relax myself, but nothing is relaxing my restless mind and soul. The restless isn’t lessening, it is increasing more with each passing minute.
I want to talk to him, but I can’t because I want to forget him. He didn’t call me back it means-it means he doesn’t love me. Why?
Why did I fall in love with him?
“I can’t fall weak. I’m strong.” After the shower, I tried to sleep, murmuring this to myself constantly.
I cried and cried at night. I could able to sleep just for few hours. I called Anu next morning and asked her to meet me because I need her. I can’t tell anything to dad, he’s already going through a lot. I don’t want give him more stress by crying in front of him. That’s why I called Anu.
She rushed into my room and hugged me tightly. “He doesn’t love me Anu.” I hugged her tighter and started crying like a baby in her arms. She is constantly rubbing my back to calm me down.
She clasped my face after breaking the hug. “Sana, you’re strong girl, right?” As she asked, I sobbed, nodding my head.
“You know that every pain is as big as we make it. Pain is the part of life. Every pain gives us new experience and makes us even more stronger than before. Just be strong and try to fight back with this pain. I’m with you. Everything will be fine.” She tried to make me understand and wiped off my tears with her palm. I’m just staring at her like a small baby and trying to understand her.
I know life is not only the bed of roses, sometimes it become the bed of thrones and then too a person has to live because life keeps moving, it doesn’t stop for anybody and that’s why the person should also keep on moving with the life. Happy and sad moment are the part of life, if person will not face sad moment, then how he will realise what’s real happiness, hard times of life make the person stronger and teach a lesson.
“Now be strong and get ready. We’re going to college.” She placed hands over my shoulders and squeezed them slightly. I gave her a slight nod.
“I’m strong.” I murmured to myself and went to bathroom to take shower.
After that Anu forced me to take breakfast. Then we went to college and reached in second lecture. As I stepped into the classroom, I bumped into Professor Sidharth. Shit.
“I’m sorry.” I apologised, glancing up at him and found him staring at me, having unknown emotions in his dark black eyes.
“Sana.” As Anu called me, I rushed to her without looking at him again.
“Are you fine?” She asked, placing hand on my face. I just blinked my eyes in assurance that I’m fine, but I’m not fine. How can I be fine when my mind and heart both are not working, and my soul is becoming more and more restless to talk to Mr. Stranger. I’m missing him a lot.
Like this few days passed and sadly Mr. stranger haven’t called me since that day. I was expecting him to call me, but neither he messaged nor called me for once even. I didn’t cry after that day, but I’m feeling like I’m living without my heart and soul. I tries to keep myself busy, but then too I can’t stop my mind from thinking about him. I miss him a lot, his voice, his laugh, the way he used to flirt with me, our phone conversations, our late night chats, his compliments, everything. I badly want to talk to him, but things can’t be same like before, because I love him, I love him a lot. I hope he would be fine without me. I hope he would be sleeping at night.
I hope, I would able to move on from him soon.
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